Blah

That pretty much sums up how I've been feeling for quite some time now. I feel like I don't fit any where any more. Those I once was close to seem to have other interests in their lives and I'm out in the forest trying to find my way.....alone. I've tried to not let this wave of depression that is just about to come tumbling down over me, make its way inland, but it's fighting harder than I seem to be able to at the moment. Surrounded by lots of people, yet I feel so very isolated and alone. It's affecting so much of what I need to be doing, what I have to do and what I should do. I have a mound of work that needs to be worked on, people are surely not too pleased with me at the moment, but I really can't say that it matters to me much. 

I can't focus, I have to fight back tears more than I should have to. I just really don't know what it is that I think I need to make this go away. I find myself saying things like,"if only I had this, then this area of my life would be better", or "if this was not a factor, things would be so much easier and better". Fact of the matter is, none of it is really true. It's not the external that's the issue, it's the internal. I just can't seem to get rid of the blahs and be happy. Isn't that sad? I agree, it's very sad. Yet, I don't know how to avoid the black hole of depression and be happy with who I am, what I have, what the future holds for me, what the present is giving me and letting go of the past filled with disappointments, hurts, betrayal, struggle, uncertainty....the list could go on but I must stop it before the watershed begins.

Pray for and with me. I need the strength to overcome. Prayer works.